Campy story about a warrior guy

Original post can be found here.

 

“Launch the nukes at him!” General Krabzor of the Yurians shouted. “He must die!”

“Nukes, sir?” Major Painfak replied. As a timid Ugithan from the peaceful Pacification sector of the Kindly Galaxy, he rarely spoke against his Yurian overlord. “There may be nothing of the planet left for us to use. We’re here for its resources, after all.”

“Use the damn nukes! I want that ‘warrior‘ dead!”

“Why don’t we simply go to the other hemisphere and start the mineral extraction–”

“NUKES!!!”

Alarm lights flashed red as Major Painfak pondered whether to follow his superiors orders.


Jimbob of the Billy Mike Billy knights of Candytown stood in scorched pit. He had managed to deflect or else withstand each attack that the massive Ship-Upon-the-Air, as the Rulers of the Planetsphere called it, had launched at him. The powerful Robes of Destiny hardened his skin, the Helm of Quickening gave him lightning-fast reflexes, and the Sword of Really Fucking Good Swordcraftmanship reflected the beams of light that the mystical ship sent down.

“I may be only one warrior,” Jimbob had said to his king when the ship first appeared, “but I will defend against the evil lasers of the sky, which have already destroyed so many of our villages. My wife was the first to die in the attacks. I saw her die with my own eyes. As I also saw so many others die. I was the only survivor. Hence, I am here to avenge my village and defend your kingdom. I will not fail you, my liege. In fact, permit me to say that I will die before I fail you.”

“Right,” the king had replied. “Again, for the third time, simply repeat the oath, ‘I fight today to live tomorrow, for the kingdom and the Planetsphere, forever.'”

“Of course, my king, but only after I speak again of my wife. It was a pleasant winter’s night when we first met. ‘Hello,’ I said–”

“Just go.”

Jimbob went indeed and he stood now among the ash and fires of the enemies attacks, waiting too long for the next one.


“He’s gone mad,” Major Painfak said to two other of the General’s subordinates. “We must not launch the nukes. It’s literally just one guy down there. We killed everyone else already. We can just go around to the other side of the planet and have it mined within a week.”

“I don’t know…” Major Gillzor said. “Can’t we just launch one nuke? The last dude who disobeyed Krabzor got a knife through his…well, you know.”

“He wants all of them launched! That much radiation will render any resources to be gained from the planet absolutely useless. We need to–”

“To what?” General Krabzor had appeared behind the Majors and continued, “To commit treason? Space this fool.”

“But…but,” Major Painfak tried to resist, but ultimately failed. Two brutes shoved him into an airlock without so much as a goodbye.


Jimbob knew that the time was come when he would need to make the greatest move ever. Many great pillars, the size of the great trees of Nevermore Forest, came barreling down at him from the ship. The warrior readied his sword and sent first one, then another, and a third back to the ship. The might of his sword could be withstood by none. One-by-one, he whacked the metal cylinders back toward the ship.

By the time he was done, thousands of huge balls of fire erupted from the ship, and it came crashing down to the planet’s surface, perhaps a thousand miles away. It was a quiet ending to what had been the most intense battle of Jimbob’s life.

He walked back to his king’s castle, only to find a crater where it once stood. Destruction was everywhere he looked. Tears fell from his eyes, as he thought of his wife.

Page One – Cemetery Demons

This is page one of the first novella I am writing with the express intent of self-publishing it. I’m gearing for around sixty pages, and kind of winging it.

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I wait outside the cemetery, watching the fog curl above the ground. The glow of the moon turns everything silver. The branches of the winter-dead trees hang over me like scepters in the night.

“Come on come on, already,” Frisky says, the little red demon that hides in my coat pocket, his horned head poking out like a turtle. “So hungry!”

“Relax,” I say, pushing him back down into my pocket. I feel his wings flutter and his tail whip back and forth against the side of my stomach. Frisky sometimes reminds me of the lizard I had for a pet, when I was a child. “The dead will rise.”

“You gonna have extra, right? Need food!” For such a little demon, Frisky eats a lot. Dead human flesh is his favorite, but he more often settles for small mammals. Blood stains the inside of my pocket.

“I’ll give you an arm. That’s all.” I don’t like giving Frisky too much. After all, I don’t want him to become addicted, to get that feeling or idea that human flesh is the only thing he must consume.

I start to get nervous and I do my best to ignore the cold sweat that trickles down my spine. The candles are all laid out in the appropriate pattern. The night shadows, the near invisible beasts that lurk on the edge of reality, slowly circle the inside of the pattern, searching for some way to escape. They are vaguely human-shaped, and that similarity reminds me of some nightmare. They lack eyes, but I know they are staring at me, aware that I am their captor.

My watch says it’s been only sixty seconds since I have read the incantation, offering libations of my own blood to the dead. It must soon be time. I quiet Frisky.

A Dull Day

He waited for the passing clouds to reveal the sun. The solar panel that fed the cell that charged his rifle was missing all that energy. His target was only a few miles away, an easy enough shot for Gaul Galen.

A click and the rustle of dry grass behind him. The lack of wind was glaring.

“Ah, Gaul, if it isn’t you,” Pretorius Flux said. Gaul didn’t have to turn around; he recognized the gravely voice of the gizormak.

“Damnit, Flux, come on, we’re going after the same target here,” Gaul said. Each word brought a deeper sensation of pressure against the back of his skull. His life was in the hands of someone who didn’t know the difference between an asteroid and a comet. “Don’t be stupid.”

“But if you kill him, then I only get half the reward.”

“We only split it if we both do the work, dumbass.” Gaul pushed the weapon away, stood, and had his own rifle trained on Flux in a single moment, a point in time. The gizormak’s shape was that of a blob that held its weapon in slushy extensions of its body. Three big bulbs rested on the top of three stalks, his only recognizable feature. “You be the bait. I’ll take the shot.”

“Your weapon is not yet charged,” Flux said, the words seemingly coming from somewhere deep within the bulbous body. “You think I am that stupid?”

“Stupid enough to let me stand. Again, you be the bait.”

Flux squinted, his three eyes shrinking in size rather than using eyelids to do so. Apparently, he was in deep thought, a rare thing for a gizormak. “Fine, fine.”

Gaul shook his head and settled back into firing position. As Pretorious Flux sauntered off, he wondered how long it would be until he could just go home.

The sun was out after the gizormak had traveled only five hundred yards. In another five hundred, he was dead.

Gaul blew the smoke from the muzzle of his gun and settled back. A few more hours, his target would be dead, and he’d have the full reward.