Entered this for a flash fiction contest…

Where you had to write a story that involved a museum and lemonade. I did not win…oh well!

***

“Hide, sweetie!” Janine whispered to her son, Billy. Billy hid behind the pink lemonade stand, pleading eyes staring at his mother. “Shh…”

“And what is this?” the apparent leader of the fascists said. “Pink lemonade? And over here? Hard lemonade? This is not lemonade!” He fired off a few rounds from his weapon, emphasizing his point.

“Please,” the tour guide, who had a gun to his head, said. “Please, it’s just a museum. There are kids here.”

“Ah, children whom you are corrupting! There is only one type of lemonade, and that is FRESH SQUEEZED IN WATER WITH PERHAPS A LITTLE SUGAR!” The leader shook his head, as if sad that he had to explain these facts. “Kill him.”

His men obeyed, firing one round into the tour guide’s temple. He fell like a sack of lemons.

“The very idea that you have a museum dedicated to all different kinds of lemonade is ludicrous. It has gone too far! All must die.”

His men killed another of the hostages. Only Billy remained hidden from the fascists. He saw nothing but heard the screams.

More shots went off, and it sounded to Billy like some people were fighting back. An opportunity opened. Billy ran toward the fire escape and rushed outside, his eyes hurting from the sudden brightness. A woman with a badge rushed to him, picked him up, carried him to an armored truck.

“How many are there, son?” an ugly, gruff man asked Billy. “What’s going on in there?”

“There’s three…I think,” Billy said. “They’re fighting. I’m scared! My mom!”

The gruff man turned and nodded to some others. “Send them in,” he said. Then, to Billy, “You did good, son. Better than most people could.”

Gaia’s Dream, a novel about science fiction gladiators and shadow monsters, is now available!

Gaia’s Dream is now available! Links below:

A description of the book:

Science fiction gladiators. Land pirates. A giant city made up of huge buildings called megastructures.

This dystopian adventure has all that and more.

The story follows Mary Gold as she and her team of corporate gladiators hunt down Gat Jones, a serial killer who wants to use shadow monsters to destroy the city in which they all live.

The hunt takes them out of the city and into the unknown forests, rivers, and alien towns that none of them knew existed.

Thank you for reading!

I’m kind of proud of this one…

Jim the Farmer Boy and Bob the Dark Lord had been best friends for ages. When they were boys, oh did they have their fights. As the grew, it became apparent that one would never go anywhere without the other. While the women waited for their woos, Jim and Bob tramped off on adventure after adventure.


“Hey, Jim, look at this!” Bob said to his best friend, Jim the Farmer Boy. Bob held a rock in his hand that shone with the light of a thousand smaller lights. “It’s a trigger stone!”

“Whoa, those are like super rare!” Jim said to his best friend, Bob the Dark Lord. Jim approached Bob and tried to take the trigger stone from his hand. “”Just let me see it.”

“What, you can’t see it from there?” Bob challenged as he backed away, cupping the precious stone close his fist. “It’s mine, okay?”

Jim shook his head with a tainted scowl on his face and drew his mighty sword. No words were spoken as Jim chased Bob down, only the occasional guttural sound of a beast hunting down its prey. Jim almost struck at Bob’s leg, but missed as Bob dodged the blow.

“What you gonna do, farm boy?” Bob taunted, running away through the wooded, rocky terrain.

“I’ll kill you!” Jim shouted, chasing Bob down. Bob turned and laughed, turned and laughed, until the untapped rage within Jim (for had Destiny had its way, Jim would have been trained by the great wizard Merlin instead of befriending the one evil that he was born to hunt down, thereby overcoming that rage which always seeded itself deep inside his mind) finally turned him into a beast.

“Ah shit,” Bob said. “I dropped the trigger stone in this crevice.”

“What?” Jim stood there, searching his friend for the stone, but saw nothing in Bob’s hands. He then looked down the crevice, and saw shining perhaps a hundred feet below, the trigger stone. “Man, that sucks. Oh well.”

Jim and Bob continued their hike through the mountains together.


“Bob, help me!” Jim shouted as he lay, trapped under the dragon’s mighty paws. “It’s so fucking hot!”

“I knew helping this village was a bad idea!” Bob shouted back. He hid behind a large boulder as the dragon roared. “Why you always gotta help people, Jim? Why?!”

“Your friend will die!” the dragon shouted, its deep rumbling bass voice causing the large cave to shake as small bits of rock crashed down onto the ground. “Reveal yourself to me!” The dragon breathed an explosion of fire to emphasize its point.

“That’s kind of beside the point here, Bob,” Jim shouted to his friend. “I just need you to distract him! Just come on out!”

“Your friend wishes to betray you!” the dragon said.

Bob thought about just hiding there behind the rock and letting his friend die. They were hundreds of miles away from Hubriston, their home town, and no one would really ever know. He could just slip away. Drop his sword. And just leave. Just go. Do it, Bob, do it!

“Fuck you, Jim!” Bob shouted as he jumped from behind the boulder, swinging his large sword like a madman with too much wine in his insane systems. “Get back, ye dragon beast!”

Jim hadn’t expected something quite like the rush that Bob performed, but the dragon did. It breathed its fire at Bob, but only for a moment. For when it opened its mouth, Jim had managed to retrieve his sword from under the dragon’s paws and throw it directly into the beast’s weak spot — the thermal gland underneath its tongue.

The dragon roared, reared its neck, straightened its tail, and then collapsed. All was quiet for a moment.

“You…you okay, Bob?” Jim asked. He was still trapped under the dragon, but able to breathe.

“Uh…yeah,” Bob answered. His wide eyes beheld the dragon’s head that had landed merely an inch in front of him, and his hands were still raised above his head, holding his sword. “You?”

“I…I think so.”

“Good.”

“Yep.”

“Those fucking villagers better pay well.”

“It’s not about payment,” Jim said as Bob helped him up.

“Of course, that’s what you always say!”

“Look, maybe we just get a meal out of it.”

“A meal! A meal! I was almost a meal!”

“Bob, all I’m saying is…”

“…want money and…”

“!”


And so Jim and Bob continued on their adventures, threatening each other with death every step of the way.

Campy story about a warrior guy

Original post can be found here.

 

“Launch the nukes at him!” General Krabzor of the Yurians shouted. “He must die!”

“Nukes, sir?” Major Painfak replied. As a timid Ugithan from the peaceful Pacification sector of the Kindly Galaxy, he rarely spoke against his Yurian overlord. “There may be nothing of the planet left for us to use. We’re here for its resources, after all.”

“Use the damn nukes! I want that ‘warrior‘ dead!”

“Why don’t we simply go to the other hemisphere and start the mineral extraction–”

“NUKES!!!”

Alarm lights flashed red as Major Painfak pondered whether to follow his superiors orders.


Jimbob of the Billy Mike Billy knights of Candytown stood in scorched pit. He had managed to deflect or else withstand each attack that the massive Ship-Upon-the-Air, as the Rulers of the Planetsphere called it, had launched at him. The powerful Robes of Destiny hardened his skin, the Helm of Quickening gave him lightning-fast reflexes, and the Sword of Really Fucking Good Swordcraftmanship reflected the beams of light that the mystical ship sent down.

“I may be only one warrior,” Jimbob had said to his king when the ship first appeared, “but I will defend against the evil lasers of the sky, which have already destroyed so many of our villages. My wife was the first to die in the attacks. I saw her die with my own eyes. As I also saw so many others die. I was the only survivor. Hence, I am here to avenge my village and defend your kingdom. I will not fail you, my liege. In fact, permit me to say that I will die before I fail you.”

“Right,” the king had replied. “Again, for the third time, simply repeat the oath, ‘I fight today to live tomorrow, for the kingdom and the Planetsphere, forever.'”

“Of course, my king, but only after I speak again of my wife. It was a pleasant winter’s night when we first met. ‘Hello,’ I said–”

“Just go.”

Jimbob went indeed and he stood now among the ash and fires of the enemies attacks, waiting too long for the next one.


“He’s gone mad,” Major Painfak said to two other of the General’s subordinates. “We must not launch the nukes. It’s literally just one guy down there. We killed everyone else already. We can just go around to the other side of the planet and have it mined within a week.”

“I don’t know…” Major Gillzor said. “Can’t we just launch one nuke? The last dude who disobeyed Krabzor got a knife through his…well, you know.”

“He wants all of them launched! That much radiation will render any resources to be gained from the planet absolutely useless. We need to–”

“To what?” General Krabzor had appeared behind the Majors and continued, “To commit treason? Space this fool.”

“But…but,” Major Painfak tried to resist, but ultimately failed. Two brutes shoved him into an airlock without so much as a goodbye.


Jimbob knew that the time was come when he would need to make the greatest move ever. Many great pillars, the size of the great trees of Nevermore Forest, came barreling down at him from the ship. The warrior readied his sword and sent first one, then another, and a third back to the ship. The might of his sword could be withstood by none. One-by-one, he whacked the metal cylinders back toward the ship.

By the time he was done, thousands of huge balls of fire erupted from the ship, and it came crashing down to the planet’s surface, perhaps a thousand miles away. It was a quiet ending to what had been the most intense battle of Jimbob’s life.

He walked back to his king’s castle, only to find a crater where it once stood. Destruction was everywhere he looked. Tears fell from his eyes, as he thought of his wife.

The Genesis of Megan

“My love, if you are reading this, then I must be dead…” the note began. Megan flipped it over and the other side. “You didn’t know this, and probably still don’t know, but I worked for an intergalactic syndicate that worked against the draconians, who are intent on invading Earth. Go to the backyard and dig three feet down by the hole in the fence. There, you will find the beacon.”

Megan wondered if this was some final prank of Kenny’s, who was more than fond of them in life. How could he be so cruel? she wondered. Nonetheless, she thought of all the business trips he went on, and how many times she would have accused him of cheating had not the love and trust between them been so strong.

A shovel was in the backyard. Megan picked it up and started digging. It took her about an hour to dig a hole that was wide enough to dig three feet down. A metal box the size of a pack of cigarettes lay at the bottom. It turned green when she picked up, and very hot to the touch.

“That bastard,” she muttered. Of course he would do something like this, try to burn me. She shook her head, threw down the shovel and the metal box, and went back inside. Night was coming, and she slept.


“Is this really her?” Blogorg said to Kipitz. The speaker was a seven foot tall purple slug with an ever-shifting number of tentacles. The listener was a human-sized beetle that stood on three legs. “Didn’t Ken say she was pretty?”

“She’s a human, Blo, this is what humans call pretty,” Kipitz replied. “The blonde hair, the blue eyes, the smooth skin. Even the size of the breasts. It’s what they’re into.”

“Fucking weird. Well, whatever. Are you sure she can handle the draconians?”

“Hmmm….” Megan mumbled in her sleep, rolling over and cracking her eyes open. “Kenny, why are you home so–”

“Easy ma’am, we’re not gonna hurt you,” Kipitz said. “You activated the beacon, right? I’m Kip and this is Blo.”

“Oh my god! What the hell is going on here?! What the hell are you?! Get out of my house!” Megan erupted from her her bed and immediately grabbed the standing lamp in the corner of the room. Holding out like a spear, she shook her head this way and that trying to stare down both of the aliens at once. “You’re…you’re….”

“We’re aliens, that’s right,” Blogorg said.

“Aliens…”

“Ken always said he might die, but we didn’t realize how spongy humans are. He left a note in the ring he always wore. It was a message for you, directions on how to activate the beacon.”

“You’re aliens…”

“Well, I mean, to us, you’re the alien,” Kipitiz offered. “But yeah, we have a mission for you, if you’re interested.”

“This is another prank by my husband. You’re probably just his coworkers all dressed up to freak me out.”

“Ugh,” Blogorg said. “Let’s just take her to the ship.”

“You’re the boss,” Kipitz said.


Megan sipped some coffee and stared at the rings of Saturn. All that she had learned in the past three days made her husband’s life make so much sense. He had always been travelling, cursing in languages that sounded more than foreign, and she had seen scars on him that would disappear the next day. The thing that didn’t make sense…why hadn’t he ever told her?

“Humans are small and don’t have any metal parts,” Kipitz said across the table. “Your husband proved his worth a thousand times over, and we though such a man might choose someone similar for his partner.”

“As we’ve seen from your testing, Meg,” Blogorg said, “this is the case with you. It won’t just be one mission, though. We will pay you well, and as you can see, the space trips are fantastic.”

“I don’t want to go back to Earth,” Megan said. The two aliens looked shocked, at least Megan thought it was shock, and she went on. “There’s nothing for me there. We didn’t ever have children, my family all lives in different states, and it was never easy for me to make friends. I want to stay with you all.”

“I mean, that makes it easier for us, so why not?” Kipitz said.

“But you will work for us?” Blorgorg asked. “The draconians will reach Earth soon if we don’t have a human to help us, to sneak onto their ships undetected and sabotage them.”

“Of course,” Megan answered, sipping her coffee. “I’ll help.”

“Great,” Kipitz said.

“Awesome,” Blogrog said.

“I think this is going to be the start of a great relationship.”

Megan sipped her coffee and thought, Of course I’ll help. It gives me a glimpse into this other side of my husband’s life. He’s still with me, I’m sure.

Yelp Review of that Bar I Went into the Other Night

The atmosphere is astounding, if you’re into that smoky, dusted sunlight creeping in through the windows vibe. Which I totally am. That’s probably the best part of the place, and I know many reviewers like to start with the bad…but that’s not me. A fight broke out which, thankfully, I wasn’t involved in, but I have to put that down as a mark against the owner. All they did was start a betting pool to see who’d win.

Service was quick, if a bit gruff. The glass of tequila slid across the bar like a rocket and hurt my hand when I blocked it, spilling half the drink and getting a couple laughs. I didn’t think people like that could laugh…sharp teeth and lots of hair. Tough guys, you know the type.

The drink was one of the best tequilas I’ve ever had, going down my throat like fire. I almost felt like roaring! A truly wild experience. One thing I do have to mention is the hair I found in the alcohol, but I mean, it’s alcohol in a grungy bar, so…I did look at the bottom of the glass, too, and saw the inside was stained red, as though red wine had been left in it for far too long.

I don’t know if it’s a nightly occurrence (it was a full moon that night), but things tend to get pretty rowdy once the sun sets. They have this drink called “the Sacrifice” which is this thick, red, syrupy thing. The adventurous side of me wanted to take a sip, and once I started, I couldn’t stop. It had a kind of metallic taste to it. When I asked my neighbor at the bar what it was, he just smiled and shook his head. At least, I think he smiled; I don’t think I’ve seen anyone with a thicker beard than that guy.

Things started to get a little fuzzier with each glass of the Sacrifice I drank. The music was somehow dulled, as though I was underwater. My hands became numb, but I have the distinct impression of clawing on something….soft.

I woke up the next morning in the back, and I think it’s really nice of them to let their patrons sleep there. Now…if only they’d let me leave. Four out of five stars.

The Alien Candidate

Inspired by this Reddit prompt (my username is goat_therandy):

 

“Sir, we’ve touched down in what’s known here as the Appalachian Mountains,” Blorg said the leader of the Fridnar team, aka the Scalpels. They stood on the edge of a cliff, and twinkling lights dotted the warm, green valley below them. “This is one of the more beautiful places we’ve been, eh sir?”

“Stop calling me sir,” Captain Rogorg said, turning to look at his friend of over three Earth centuries. “Seriously, what the hell is that about? We’re a team, not a bunch a of filthy savages. Tell me, does everyone have their skin on?”

“Yes, except Lorg, she’s still getting ready. Man, I don’t know how humans where this stuff.”

“It’s just how they hold their guts in. Anyway, you really need to do more to remind your wife of the urgency here. The Yakonians have already infilitrated the Cuban government.”

“They’re playing a short game, then.”

They both fell silent and enjoyed the sight of the stars. It reminded Blorg of when he first asked Lorg to marry him, after they had been dating for months (although it had seemed like many wonderful years already) on Fridnar’s third moon. It reminded Rogorg of their win against the Hyperions in the Hindristic Nebula games.

No team had managed to infiltrate a major power here yet, and Rogorg wanted to know why.


“You mean to tell me that I have to get people’s signatures in order to run for office?” Captain Rogorg was telling the party official. “How many?”

“Well, sir, it depends on the state … ” Mary, or whatever her name was, tapped a few keys on her keyboard, and the Fridnarian knew it was a delaying tactic ” … but in total…about 900,000 in order to get on the ballot in each state.”

“What the hell are you talking about? In my home country, anyone can run for office! A child can, of course he won’t be elected, but he can do it!”

“That’s very cute, sir.”

Rogorg grunted and left the building. He called Blorg with his cell phone. Human currency was easy enough to print for themselves, at least. “Any luck getting a job with the agency?”

“Ro, they want to do background checks! They want my family, my friends, all of them to testify against me just to get a job!”

“What kind of untrusting people are these? This is going to be harder than I thought. Damn, I heard the Yakonians are working with Venezuela now.”

“And the Klepers are already moving on from Ghana to Gambia.”


Rogorg knew it was unethical, although not technically cheating, to assume the bodies of whoever they were invading. He didn’t see another way, however, and a win was a win. He sat in the Oval Office, sure that in this position of power the Scalpels would win within a week, or perhaps a day or two.

Blorg stood in the corner, continually scratching himself. “It’s this skin, how can they wear it?” he’d say when Rogorg or Lorg, who sat in a chair staring at a tablet, would complain about it.

“What do you mean you can’t get the votes?” Rogorg said angrily into the phone. “I’ve literally developed an engine that can go faster than the speed of light, and still you can’t get enough votes to approve a Martian colony?”

The gift of technology was something else that was traditionally forbidden in the Invasion Games, but technically not considered cheating. Rogorg had had enough.

“I know…I know…ethical concerns, taking care of Earth infrastructure first, all that, of course. But an off-world colony is the first step to any unified world government. What do you mean New World Order? Actually yes, that’s a good description of– What are you talking about? Why shouldn’t I talk this way? Just get the votes!”

“Easy, captain,” Blorg said after Rogorg slammed the phone down on its receiver. “We’ll find a way, just got to keep trying.”


“Peace is what brings us together, not war! Peace is what makes a man a man and a woman a woman, not war! Peace is what we must have, for one world must have one government!”

All the political representatives cheered Rogorg’s speech in the joint session of congress. He was sure that people all over the country, and even the world, were ready now to become one. Then the Scalpels would declare victory for the third time in as many centuries, a record that few could match.

A senator, whose name the captain didn’t know, spoke in his ear, “Sir, it still has to go through both houses.”

“Whose houses?” Rogorg said above the ongoing cheers.

“I just want you to know, there are still those of us who oppose you in the Senate. We’ll filibuster this if you try it without negotiating first.”

“Filibuster?” the Fridnarian had heard of that term, and he knew what it meant. “No…” he shook his head as the cheers quieted “…no…” he writhed around, dense internal hands pushing against the flimsy skin “…no…” Blorg tried to stop him, but it was too late.

A twenty foot tall tentacle monster stood before the Congress. Its orange skin rippled like oil in a breeze, and its dozens of eyes stared everywhere at once. Talons popped out of its tentacles and began whipping at everything in the room.

“I’M INVADING YOUR PLANET, YOU SHITHEADS!!!”

Blorg looked at Lorg among the ripped and gored carcusses of those who so recently had been clapping for their killer, and said, “Well…I guess this means we lost.”